San Francisco Sentinel
Classics
November 23, 1989
So Much to Be Thankful For
By Doris Fish
Didn’t people always say, “You have so much to be thankful for!”, when you complained about how scarce your life, or more importantly, your lifestyle was? It always seemed so silly to be grateful just to be alive or have a roof over my head or something to eat. Those things were like the sky or the sea, they were just there. Now things are a little different. A wholesome meal is a rare feast, one’s home is sometimes just a paycheck away from extinction, and the gift of life is now more precious than we could ever have thought possible.
Miss X often reminds me that being dead is not so bad. “We wouldn’t have to pay rent, luvvie!” It is hard to be thankful for rent. It is one of life’s more hideous burdens. I’m sometimes envious of my friends who’ve left the planet; a long life is an expensive one! Sounds like I’m about to complain about my lifestyle when I have so much to be thankful for. As Tippi says, “Be thankful we can pay the rent, Queen!”
I’m also thankful for Tippi. Whenever I feel foolish for wasting money on cheap shit, I remember Tippi spent her entire inheritance on 99 cent earrings! She has a huge box of them, some still on the cards, with “Fashion Earrings” written on them. I often look for the ones that say, “Hideous Out-Of-Fashion Earrings”.
I give thanks that 99 cent earrings exist. And that other cheap things are plentiful, too. The San Jose Flea Market is heaven for “a girl like I” as Lorelei Lee would say. That’s where I got my latest fabulous thing, my statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe. It’s actually a replacement for the one I lost in the quake. We also lost Our Lady of Fatima. Tippi said we should be more prepared next time, “Let’s get some bottled water,” I replied, “Fuck the water! Let’s get lots more plaster statues!” I use them as earthquake traps; placed up high in precarious positions they’re more accurate than most real scales. Of course, with careful placement one can achieve the thrill of a 7.1 with just a 4.3 or so.
But I am grateful to have survived the quake of ’89, as are many of my neighbors if one is to believe their t-shirts. Despite our recent quivering ground I’m still thankful that I live here and not in N.Y. Or L.A. as so many of our friends do. New York is great for staying up late or being really, really fashionable, and Los Angeles is where one goes to be “really serious about one’s career” as my dear co-star, Sandelle Kincaid, recently did. You may remember her as Sandal Hebert, not Her-bert as it is often written, and hence the name change. She has given up the distinction (dubious) of being the only real woman in the “Sluts A-Go-Go” to pursue a more meaningful version of show biz — regular work. Miss Kincaid has just landed two parts in plays down there: as Marilyn Monroe in “Sessions” and as the perfect date in “Dates From Hell”. Lots of luck.
I’m thankful for the obvious things: my life, my home and my dinner, but what else? My almost perfect body, my lovely firm breasts and full thighs, my smooth shapely legs (all nearly folded and packed away in a bag under my bed so I can sleep in comfort). My four pussies, I mean cats, who quite correctly think I’m God. My extremely handsome boyfriend, who could have almost anyone he wants, but chooses to enrich my life instead. I give thanks also for my many kind friends who forgive me over and over again for forgetting their names. Oh, and my lovely, natural, long, blonde, softly cascading hair which sits beautifully coiffed on my dressing table ready to wear at any time. I thank God for bleach and all the cosmetics and for letting me live in a consumer society (albeit somewhat precariously). And most of all I’m thankful to be me and not Coco Vega, who hasn’t had to pay rent for a long time, long before it was fashionable and who said, “Girl, you know what really hurts? When the beard shows through the makeup.” Whenever I remember poor Coco, I hear myself saying, “I have so much to be thankful for!”
